The Legend Of The 2 FAT CHAR SIEW Slayers And The FAT CHAR SIEW

The SMELL

2005-04-14T18:04:00.000+08:00

"USYI" (pronounced as "us" - "yee") - is an unknown and mysterious illness that is currently spreading around in the CSS Squad's Hometown .. it is not known how the Mysterious Character in their hometown and the illness is connected .. till ..

*BeEp BEeP* ( an emergency alert from CSS Squad's Hometown) - is beeping non-stop .... disturbing the CSS Squad's beauty sleep ..

CSS1: " KNN .. wat the hell siah .. so early in the morning ... *yAwNs .. wiping off her saliva with the back of her hand*

CSS2: *yAwnS* " Wey .. wake up and turn off the dump alert leh .. its getting on my nerves siah .. " *Stretching her body*

CSS1 then climb out her cozy bed .. turn off the alert then called back to the Hometown ..

CSS1: " okie .. okie .. we noe abt that oreadi .. will head back asap .. " *rubbing her eyes .. *

CSS1: " Wey .. MEI NU .. wake up liao wor .. the Mayor want us to go back to investigate abt the illness and the mysterious character that is lurking around attacking pple .. "

CSS2: " Wah kau .. they dun haf medical team there meh ? they dun haf a crime force over there meh .. Y must we alws do so many things and get paid so little ? ... " *grumbling.. *

CSS1: " Bo bian wor .. We are CAPABLE ... HIGHLY SKILLFUL .. HIGHLY INTELLIGENT and the most impt thing is .. WE ARE MEI NUs .. "

(Translation: MEI NUs - Beauties)

The CSS Squad head back to their hometown immediately .. upon reaching their Hometown .. they oreadi can see a big crowd gathering to welcome them ..

Crowd: " WHOOoooOOoo .. the MEI NUs are back .. the MEI NUs are back !!! They are the legendary highly skilled & intelligent MEI NUs of our town !!!! " *wOlF-Whistles all over the place and non-stop .. *

CSS1: " Heehee .. we noe .. we noe .. *nodding* .. dun make me pai seh leh .. "

(Translation: "Pai Seh" - Embarrassed)

CSS2: "Aiyah, stop the crap lah, what the hell is the mysterious illness???"

CSS1 stops in midst of shaking hands with the crowd.

CSS1: "Oh yah, what is the so called mysterious illness???" *helps fans to sign autograph*

A: "This morning my entire family was waken up by a super stinky smell!!! wahhhhh... really damn smelly siah!!! machiam somebody wearing the the same teh koh for one month never wash loh!!!!"

B: "Really??!! I thought I was the only one who smelled that stench!!! But bcos i was staying at the 2nd floor, therefore, i thought the smell came from the rubbish chute."

A: "U stayed in the 2nd floor??? I stayed in the 13th floor wor... Hmm, don't think its from the rubbish chute. Cause the smell is really damn freaking strong!!! Like someone waving a chao teh koh plus some stinky socks in front of your nose!!!!"

(Translation: "Chao Teh Koh" - Smelly underwear)

Crowd starts discussing among themselves..

Extreme puzzled look on CSS1 and CSS2's faces...

CSS1: "Well... ... ... "

Suddenly..

A gentle but excited tone: "i know why!!! i know why!!!~... "

*A how lian looking 1/2 Veggie tucks his hair behind ears and tries to squeeze to the center of the crowd*

1/2 Veggie to X: "Hey watch it!!! Dun step on my veggie roots!!!"

1/2 Veggie: "Err-hem.. I can tell you people what is the cause of the smell, but u people cannot go around telling others, OK??" *crosses its veggie arms*

1/2 Veggie: "REALLY cannot tell others one loh!!!" *continues crossing arms*

CSS1: "Stop your nonsense and better tell us, else i wack u left right centre and cut off your veggie roots den you noe!!!!"

1/2 Veggie: "This kind of smell, ONLY I KNOW!!!!" *pauses for 5 mins with an extreme how lian and qian bian look*

CSS1 draws her parang..

1/2 Veggie quickly continues story: "Last time my ex-gf, wahhhh on the outside, she look like any normal girl loh. But once, she ask me over to her place for sex. Then when she took off her panty, WAHHHHHHHHHHH SEHHHHHHHHHHH~~~!!!! I almost fainted in the room!!!!Everyone staying in the block can smell the stench loh!!!!!" *unwell look on face*

CSS2: "Sure anot??? Got so serious one meh??? Then u never bring her to see doctor???"

1/2 Veggie: "This kind ah, no cure liao!!! Tink gotta send to US for treatment!!!"

CSS1, curious look: "Hmmmm, so in the end .. .. .. did u f*** her???"

1/2 Veggie hestitated for a moment.. *guilty look*

1/2 Veggie: "Of cos not lah!!! So smelly!!! You pay me money to f*** her, i oso dun wan loh!!! Don't know whether she got any disease anot!!!! What if she spread it to me, then how??"

CSS1: "Pls lah, this one is only yeast infection loh!!!"

1/2 Veggie, ignores CSS1: "Then this morning, when i woke up, i also smelled a stench. Then it immediately reminded me of my ex-gf aka CCB (Chao Ch** B**)!!!! And it brought back lots of (fond) memories siah.." *get absorbed in own thoughts and starts giggling happily*

CSS1 walks over and slaps the 1/2 Veggie with a piece of used sanitary napkin.

1/2 Veggie: "Therefore, i conclude that either my ex-gf is here, or someone with an extreme CCB is here!!! But.. .. .."

1/2 Veggie: "One thing i am puzzled about is.. .. the smell from this morning although was that of a CCB, but there was also a tinge of .. ermm.. i don't know if it is ridiculous to say this.. but.. the stench had a sort of char siew smell mixed with it.."

*Everyone gasps*

Crowd: "CHAR SIEW SMELL????!!?!?"

***To Be Continued***

" USYI "

2005-04-01T11:28:00.000+08:00

"USYI" (pronounced as "us" - "yee") - is an unknown and mysterious illness that is currently spreading around in the CSS Squad's Hometown .. it is not known how the Mysterious Character in their hometown and the illness is connected .. till ..

*BeEp BEeP* ( an emergency alert from CSS Squad's Hometown) - is beeping non-stop .... disturbing the CSS Squad's beauty sleep ..

CSS1: " KNN .. wat the hell siah .. so early in the morning ... *yAwNs .. wiping off her saliva with the back of her hand*

CSS2: *yAwnS* " Wey .. wake up and turn off the dump alert leh .. its getting on my nerves siah .. " *Stretching her body*

CSS1 then climb out her cozy bed .. turn off the alert then called back to the Hometown ..

CSS1: " okie .. okie .. we noe abt that oreadi .. will head back asap .. " *rubbing her eyes .. *

CSS1: " Wey .. MEI NU .. wake up liao wor .. the Mayor want us to go back to investigate abt the illness and the mysterious character that is lurking around attacking pple .. "

CSS2: " Wah kau .. they dun haf medical team there meh ? they dun haf a crime force over there meh .. Y must we alws do so many things and get paid so little ? ... " *grumbling.. *

CSS1: " Bo bian wor .. We are CAPABLE ... HIGHLY SKILLFUL .. HIGHLY INTELLIGENT and the most impt thing is .. WE ARE MEI NUs .. "

(Translation: MEI NUs - Beauties)

The CSS Squad head back to their hometown immediately .. upon reaching their Hometown .. they oreadi can see a big crowd gathering to welcome them ..

Crowd: " WHOOoooOOoo .. the MEI NUs are back .. the MEI NUs are back !!! They are the legendary highly skilled & intelligent MEI NUs of our town !!!! " *wOlF-Whistles all over the place and non-stop .. *

CSS1: " Heehee .. we noe .. we noe .. *nodding* .. dun make me pai seh leh .. "

(Translation: "Pai Seh" - Embarrassed)

CSS2: "Aiyah, stop the crap lah, where the hell is the mysterious character??"

CSS1 stops in midst of shaking hands with the crowd.

CSS1: "Oh yah, where is the mysterious character???" *signs autograph for fans*

A: "This morning my entire family was waken up by a super stinky smell!!! wahhhhh... really damn smelly siah!!! machiam somebody wearing the same teh koh for one month never wash loh!!!!"

B: "Really??!! I thought I was the only one who smelled that stench!!! But bcos i was staying at the 2nd floor, therefore, i thought the smell came from the rubbish chute."

A: "U stayed in the 2nd floor??? I stayed in the 13th floor wor... Hmm, don't think its from the rubbish chute. Cause the smell is really damn freaking strong!!! Like someone waving a chao teh koh and socks in front of your nose!!!!"

(Translation: "Chao Teh Koh" - Smelly underwear)

Crowd starts discussing among themselves..

Extreme puzzled look on CSS1 and CSS2's faces...

CSS1: "Well... ... ..."

Suddenly a 1/2 veggie squeezes itself into the crowd

1/2 Veggie in gentle but how lian tone: "i know why!!! i know why!!!~... "
*tucks hair behind ears, trying to move to the center of the crowd while carefully avoiding the crowd from treading on its veggie roots*

1/2 Veggie: "I can tell you people what smell is it, but u people cannot go around telling others, ok??" *crosses its veggie arms*

1/2 Veggie: "REALLY cannot tell others one loh!!!" *continues crossing arms*

CSS1: "Stop your nonsense and better tell us, else i wack u left right centre and break your veggie arms den you noe!!!!"

1/2 Veggie: "This kind of smell, ONLY I KNOW!!!!" *pauses for 5 mins with an extreme how lian and qian bian look*

CSS1 draws her parang..

1/2 Veggie continues: "Last time my ex-gf, wahhhh she look like any normal girl. But once, she ask me over to her place for sex. Then when she took off her panty, WAHHHHHHHHHHH SEHHHHHHHHHHH~~~!!!! I almost fainted in the room!!!! Everyone staying in the block can smell the stench loh!!!!!" *unwell look on face*

CSS2: "Sure anot??? Got so serious one meh??? Then u never bring her to see doctor???"

1/2 Veggie: "This kind ah, no cure liao!!! Tink gotta send to US for treatment!!!"

CSS1, curious look: "Hmmmm, so in the end .. .. .. did u f*** her???"

1/2 Veggie hestitated for a moment.. *guilty look*

1/2 Veggie: "Of cos not lah!!! So smelly!!! You pay me money to f*** her, i oso dun wan loh!!! Don't know whether she got any disease anot!!!! What if she spread it to me, then how??"

CSS1: "Pls lah, this one is only yeast infection loh!!!"

1/2 Veggie, ignores CSS1: "Then this morning, when i woke up, i also smelled a stench. Then it immediately reminded me of my ex-gf aka CCB (Chao Ch** B**)!!!! And it brought back lots of (fond) memories siah.."
*gets absorbed in own thoughts abt memories of him and his ex-gf*

CSS1 walks over and slaps 1/2 Veggie with a piece of used sanitary napkin.

1/2 Veggie: "Therefore, i conclude that either my ex-gf is here, or someone with an extreme CCB is here!!! But.. .. .."

1/2 Veggie: "One thing i am puzzled about is.. .. the smell from this morning although was that of a CCB, but there was also a tinge of .. ermm.. i don't know if it is ridiculous to say this.. but.. the stench had a sort of char siew smell mixed with it.."

*Everyone gasps*

Crowd: "Char siew smell????!!?!?"

Latest Updates on what's going on around ....

2005-04-01T11:05:00.000+08:00

Latest Updates:

CSS Squad is in the midst of discussing the T&C for the publishing of their book about the Fat Char Siew ..
The Fat Char Siew has been missing for several weeks without a trace ..
Reward of $10.00 given on headlines for the capture of the Fat Char Siew .. ( $10.00 is the highest the public and CSS Squad can give as the FCS is really not worth any cent more unless sub-standard guys are willing to pay another $1.00 )
A mystery illness in spreading around in the CSS Squad's hometown named " USYI " ( pronounced as "us" - "yee")
And a mysterious character is lurking around CSS Squad's hometown attacking pple .. especially guys with an unknown ninja technique that cause pple to lose their sense of sight and smell.

Last Updated : 1st of April 2005

Send in your votes for the publishing of "The Incredible Adventures of The Fat Char Siew ..."

2005-03-23T17:31:00.000+08:00

For everyone's information .....

Very soon .. you pple will get the chance to get yourself a copy of " The Incredible Adventures of The Fat Char Siew " from all Major Bookstores ...

*cHEers & apPLauSe*

Due to the overwhelming response of the public about how funnie this Fat Char Siew is .. We haf decided to take up the offer of publishing "The Fat Char Siew" into a story book or comic book so .. we need to get opinions from the public whether a comic book will be better due to the drawings and pictures or a story book would be better so that you pple can put your imagination into good use ..

Kindly send in your comments regarding this ..

*Please key in

STORYBOOK or COMICBOOK

just before your comments .. so that we noe wat is ur vote ..

E.G:

COMICBOOK (Please type your comments in brackets .. )

The Interview

2005-03-18T11:13:00.000+08:00

Based on information that the FAT CHAR SIEW has confronted the Char Siew Slayers for setting up fatcharsiew.blogspot.com and backstabbing the FAT CHAR SIEW, our reporter went to conduct a face-to-face interview with the 2 Char Siew Slayers to find out how on earth did the fatcharsiew.blogspot.com come about.

Reporter: “Why did the CSS1 and CSS2 hated FAT CHAR SIEW so much???”

CSS1: "We would like to clarify that we do not hate FAT CHAR SIEW. We love it so much!!! *hugs and kisses* Cos EVERYONE in this world loves char siew, right?? In fact the other day, I just had char siew rice!!!"

CSS2: "Yup, we do not hate the FAT CHAR SIEW. Hate is too harsh a word. We are meinus, therefore, we seldom hate people. Mostly its people who tend to hate us. Perhaps, you could say that we dislike the FAT CHAR SIEW. But we have our reasons for doing so, you know. We don’t go around disliking people like that, we don't have that kind of time to spare."

Reporter: "So could you kindly tell us your reasons for disliking FAT CHAR SIEW??"

CSS1: "Hmmm, well… first of all, the FAT CHAR SIEW started to form alliances within the group. You know, like those kind that you see in Survivor. For example, it will go around tell X that, "you know, W is a blah blah blah kind of person. Hey, but please don’t tell others that W is this kind of person ok? Just pretend that you don’t know anything." Then FAT CHAR SIEW goes up to Y, and told Y exactly the same thing that it told X. So by the end of the week, EVERYONE knows what kind of person W is. But didn’t it tell us not to go around spreading the gossip???" *scratches head*

CSS2: "How do you expect us to treat a person like this as a real friend?? How do we know that she won't go around telling others the secrets that we have told her??? Even though she might not know or realise this, but what she was doing is actually slowly tearing the group apart."

CSS1: "And during the time when it was with another guy, ½ veggie, also from the grp, it tried to gain sympathy from all the other people whenever they had arguments, it was like trying to say, "Hey, I am the victim here!!! *sobs and waves hands* He is the bad veggie!! Bad bad veggie!!!". And once, it put ½ veggie down during one of the coffee sessions, even though he was present but as to whether ½ veggie heard what it said, we are not sure."

CSS2: "Also, it was always feeding ½ veggie with information that lots of guys are going after or interested in it, and even consists of guys from the grp. We are not sure if the information that it provided is true for guys that are not in the grp, but for guys that are frm the grp, we know that its not true, cos they were never interested in it in the first place."

CSS1: "Yah…" *Nods head in agreement*

CSS2: "Then everytime, it would whine abt its date wif Jer Jer.. ITS EVERYTIME LOH, every minute, every second. Once it talks abt its Jer Jer, its eyes would light up, then when we wanted to talk abt other things, it would show an irritated wey-why-don’t-let-me-continue-abt-my-Jer-Jer?? look. Yah yah yah… we know they are a happy couple. Period. There is really no need for her to drone on and on abt the topic rite??? Yah lah, in actual fact we are just jealous. JEALOUS LOH!!!! We are jealous of her attractiveness (??) , her popularity (???). We are the meanies, backstabbers, pretenders and devils lah… "

CSS1: "Hahahaha, CSS2 is suffering from pms… ignore her.. but really, in the first place, who started the backstabbing? It openly wrote abt us being guy hunters, abt how we din take care of it @ devils, abt her delightness when it knew that Jer Jer didn't have a good impression of us, abt how it was the MOST ATTRACTIVE among us. C’mon loh, *exasperated look* it is already 21years old!!! You think people would wana kidnap it?? For what? To sell for wanton mee? Does it think that as long as we don’t have access to its blog, then it is able to write anything and everything abt us??? If we are really backstabbers, we won't even publish fatcharsiew.blogspot.com in our msn. By the way, even though we put the bloglink in our msn nicks, but we didn’t tell it to go read the blog, so it was its own curiosity that started everything. We are already being very nice by not mentioning its name in any of the blog entries, which it wrote in its own blog like sprinkling salt and pepper, always mentioning our names here and there. "

CSS2: "By the way, we don't care whether Jer Jer has got a good impression of us anot, bleah~, just that we can't understand why are there not 1 but 3 guys going after her and why is she being brand as the MOST ATTRACTIVE???"

CSS1: "Hmm, *ponders* maybe going after her with a parang???"

*All burst into laughter*

CSS2: "One more thing that I HAVE to mention on behalf of everyone who has got the sense of sight.. FAT CHAR SIEW luurrrvvveessss to wear super tight shirts *CSS1 and CSS2 pukes* and worse still, leave so many buttons unbutton. *Reporter pukes* C'mon, if it doesn’t wear like this, at least people can bear to look at it. But once it wears the shirt, everyone don’t even have the courage to keep their eyes open and focus on it for a second. Yah, we know that it has C cups!!! But C cups damn big ah???! Can crush people???" *agitated look*

Reporter: "By the way, why did you come up with FAT CHAR SIEW and all the stories, why not just write about how FAT CHAR SIEW pissed off the both of you in real life?"

CSS1: "A lot of people may think that we are bo liao and childish, spending time and wasting brain cells to write stories abt the Char Siew Slayers and FAT CHAR SIEW. But using this way, we can help protect each other's identities as well as FAT CHAR SIEW's identity. Anyway, we are born jokers and we love roleplaying. So this is a new role that we have taken up, the role of the Char Siew Slayers and We're Loving It!"

Reporter: "So who is this Kong Bak Bao who has just appeared in the story?"

CSS2: "I would like to elaborate that Kong Bak Bao is just a fictional character that we have created to spice up the story, but he bears some resemblance to a close friend of ours. In the future, we might create other characters such as Dua Cai Bao, Tao Sar Bao."

CSS1: "Or even a best friend for FAT CHAR SIEW, Sio Bak."

Who is Kong Bak Bao ?? .. scratching head

2005-03-16T17:09:00.000+08:00

Well .. with regards to the earlier posting .. there is this character .. " KONG BAK BAO ".. well .. for those who do not noe who this character is .. below will be a short and simple introduction abt him ..

BIO-DATA OF KONG BAK BAO

Name: Bak Bao
Surname: Kong
Full Name: Kong Bak Bao (meaning: a chinese delicacy .. a piece of fatty meat in dark soya sauce wrapped up in a soft white bun)
Age: Unknown
Place of Birth: Unknown
Trademark: White Handkerchief ..
Likes: Putting on make-up ..
Dislikes: FAT CHAR SIEW (which is very obvious .. coz noone likes FAT CHAR SIEWs .. )
Characteristics: Rather violent at times but most of the time is flirty .. abit chao sissy ..
Relationship with CSS1 & Css2: Unknown (for the time being ..)

************** END **************

The Attack Of The Unknown

2005-03-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

One day, FAT CHAR SIEW was preparing to go out on a date with JerJer.

FAT CHAR SIEW, murmuring to itself: "So happy~!! Yesterday, my JerJer hugged and kissed me in the lift… *giggles* Eeeeee, so CHEEEKKKYYYYY~~~!!!"

FAT CHAR SIEW: "That 2 stupid Char Siew Slayers. They are really stupid loh!!! Wahahahaha, turned me into a piece of Char Siew. I really must thank them cos EVERYBODY loves the new ME!!! *flips hair happily* EVERYBODY loves CHAR SIEW~!!!!!"

*FAT CHAR SIEW shrieks and giggles in excitement at the very thought that EVERYONE in this WORLD adores it*

FAT CHAR SIEW: "Oh no!!! Time is running out, JerJer must be DYING~~ to meet me loh!!! Hmmm, what perfume should I use today??!? I wonder which perfume does JerJer like???"

FAT CHAR SIEW takes up the different bottles on the table and examines.

FAT CHAR SIEW: "Errr, Maggi Teriyaki Sauce… errr, Fairprice Char Siew Sauce… Lee Kum Kee Sweet and Sour Sauce…"

FAT CHAR SIEW ponders for a moment, before taking the Fairprice Char Siew Sauce bottle and pours it over its head.

Before leaving its house, FAT CHAR SIEW looks into the mirror again and unbuttons the top three buttons from its (extremely) tight fitting blouse..

FAT CHAR SIEW: "Wahahahaha, JerJer will be EXTREMELY TURNED ON today loh~!!!!" *giggles excitedly*

Upon leaving its house, FAT CHAR SIEW spotted a white figure behaving suspiciously underneath its block.

FAT CHAR SIEW: "Oh no, who’s that white figure??!!!? Siao liao, must be one of my admirers…Eeeeeeee, so sickening loh, duno which admirer is it this time??? Afterall, I am EXTREMELY popular, and ATTRACTIVE and I’ve got not 1, but 3 GUYS CHASING me loh!!!" *giggles to itself*

While FAT CHAR SIEW was still wondering about the identity of the white figure, suddenly, the white figure chionged out from behind and ambushed FAT CHAR SIEW…

FAT CHAR SIEW screamed with its high pitched voice and tried to defend itself by using its C cup breasts to knock the attacker unconscious.

However, the attacker was too fast and before FAT CHAR SIEW knew it, the attacker luped a gunny sack over it.

FAT CHAR SIEW, screaming from within the gunny sack: "How dare you kidnap me??? Even though I am popular, and attractive and there are not 1, but 3 guys going after me, but how could you be so selfish and kidnap me for yourself??? Who the hell are you???!? My JerJer is gonna come after you loh!!!! Shit!!! Now, you have ruined my makeup, my hair and everything!!! How am I supposed to meet JerJer after this?!!?!?!?"

FAT CHAR SIEW: "Ok lah, you remove this gunny sack, *giggles* I promised to forgive you and give you EVERYTHING that you want.. *giggles* U ah, CHEEKY GUY loh!!!" *giggles again*

The white figure stops for a moment… … turns around and starts to puke…

Then, it raised a baseball bat and swung it hard on FAT CHAR SIEW.

White figure: "Eeeeeeeee~~~~, you very attractive meh?!!!???" *stops and DELICATELY takes out silk handkerchief and starts wiping forehead*

White figure: "I want you for myself?!!!? KAAAAAA PUI!!!!!! You #$@^$#%&$%!@$#$@#% %&$^&%&*&^#%@#$! *catches breath* $!$$&^%!@#!@#$@ *continues hantaming the FAT CHAR SIEW* #$&*(*(!@#!~#&^**( *swinging the bat even harder each time* ()@!#!@#$%^*(*(#@$^(&*()*()$^@#$!@#!@#!@$@#$@#$@%#$^#%^$% %^%^ @#$@##^$*!!!!"

White figure: "Just because you’ve got so many fats doesn’t mean you are attractive loh!!! Gao she me de?!!?! Eeeeeeeeeee~~~~~, I AM THE MOST ATTRACTIVE LOH~!!!!!!" *takes out silk handkerchief and starts posing sexily*

White figure: "Tao yan~! Tao yan~! Tao yan~!!!! Wo CHA(1)~ CHA(1)~ CHA(1)~!!!!!!! CHA(1) SI(3) NI(3) LOH!!!!"
(Translation: "Sickening! Sickening! Sickening! I poke poke poke poke!!! Poke you till death!!!!")

*Pokes FAT CHAR SIEW with his Mei(2) Hua(1) Zhi(3) Gong(1)*
(Paused: Mei Hua (mandarin word for plum flower) Zhi Gong is a skill which is only used by eunuchs)

At this point, no movement and sound came out from the gunny sack.

White figure, freezing in action: "Eeeeeeeee, how come FAT CHAR SIEW is not whining or moving anymore??? Aiyeehhh~~~, tao~ yan~~~~~~!!! Gai si de!!!! Is it dead already???!? Eeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~!!!!" *pulls out silk handkerchief and starts stamping feet*

The white figure immediately loosen the ropes and carefully, lifted the oil soaked gunny sack away.

White figure: "Eeeeeeeeee~~~!!!! Soooo oily~~~!!!!! Tao~~ yan~~~~~ loh!!!!" *stamps feet again*

Then, the white figure leaned forward to examine FAT CHAR SIEW, which was lying motionlessly on the floor, surrounded by a huge puddle of oil.

Suddenly FAT CHAR SIEW jumps up and forward squashing the white figure with its body weight.

FAT CHAR SIEW, rolling back and forth on the white figure: "U Asshole!!! Guai(4) Peh Peh!!!! Si(3) ren(2) yao(1)!!!!! This will teach you for attacking me!!!!! And who says I am not ATTRACTIVE??!! At least I am better than you loh!!!! You only look like a big fat Bao(1) to me loh!!!!"
(Translation: Guai Peh Peh = Perverted Uncle; Si ren yao = Transvestite; Bao = White Bun)

In fright, the white figure pulled out his sword and started swinging it madly at the piece of FAT CHAR SIEW that is suffocating him.

White figure: "eeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!" *continues swinging knife madly*

Slices of char siew meat flew around and FAT CHAR SIEW, sensing that the enemy is highly skilled, decided that escaping is the best way out.

FAT CHAR SIEW, rolling away, trying to force tears and look innocent: "Just you wait loh~!!!! I go get my JerJer!!! He will get you for it loh!!!! And my ½ Veggie will screw you also loh!!!! Just you wait!!!!"

White figure, standing up: "Eeeeeeee~~~~!!!! You ugly FAT PIECE OF MEAT!!! When you see your JerJer, ask him to get you a mirror first lah!!! Hahahahaha"

*White figure jumps around, claps hands in excitement and waves handkerchief at the disappearing sight of FAT CHAR SIEW*

*White figure screams*

White figure: "Arrrgggggghhhhhhhhhh~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!! Eeeeeeeeeee~~~~, tao yan~~~~~~~!!!!!! Why is this piece of CHAR SIEW MEAT still on me??!??!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~!!!!!"

*White figure tries pulling off the piece of char siew meat on him*

But no matter how he tugged and pulled, the piece of char siew meat just doesn’t seem to come off.

White figure, waving silk handkerchief frantically: "Eeeeeeeeeee~~~~~ tao yan~~~!!!! That stupid FAT CHAR SIEW, dirtied my clothes loh!!!! Then now, this stupid CHAR SIEW MEAT is stucked onto me liao!!!! Eeeeeeeee~~~~~, how~~~~?!?!??!!"

*White figure SCREAMS again*

White figure, stamps feet and cries out loudly: "EEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~!!!!! Some more this piece of CHAR SIEW MEAT on me is the FATTEST part from the FAT CHAR SIEW LOH!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEE~~~~~~!!!!"

Passerby A: "Wahhhh, this Kong Bak Bao looks so delicious siah!!!" *drooling*

*Passerby A uses se mi mi eyes to look at the white figure*

White figure: "Eeeeeee~~~!!!! Tao~ yan~~~!!!! Si gui!!!! *giggles and acts shy* It has been a long while since any guys used that kind of eyes to look at me liao!!!! Tao~ yan~~~ loh…"
*giggles and waves silk handkerchief sexily at Passerby A*

White figure, in disbelief: "Arggggghhhhh~~~~!!!! tao yan~~~~ what did you call me just now??? Kong Bak Bao?!?!?!?!?!?? KONG BAK BAO~!??!?"

*Lightning flashes*

*Thunder roars*

*Rain starts falling*

Kong Bak Bao, kneeling down: "Why me?!!?!?!? Why~~???? *sobbing loudly* You, XI PUI TI!!!! Stupid FAT CHAR SIEW!!!!! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!! tao yan~ tao yan~ tao yan~!!!! I WANT REVENGE LOH!!!!"
(Translation: Xi pui ti = fat pig)

*Kong Bak Bao continues screaming*

How a piece of normal pork chop evolved into a fat piece of Char Siew ...

2005-03-13T23:20:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time .. a piece of fat, stinking, whinny & disgusting piece of pork chop was skipping (acting cute) around the forest .. digging its nose & singing at the same time ..

Pork Chop: " Oink Oink !! .. im SO pretty, nice, cute and attractive that no guys can RESIST me .. ANY guy who treat me a little nicer .. send me home .. or talk to me LIKES me wor .. Oink Oink !! ... im not FAT & SHORT ... im CLASSY .. Oink Oink" *singing*

Its voice is so coarse .. loud .. whinny .. irritating .. and annoying that it attracts the attention of 2 highly-skilled Gals .. *Pointing at CSS1 & Css2* who are sitting on one of the tree branches sun-tanning ..

CSS1: "What the hell ??!!"
*digging her ears*

CSS1: "Who the hell is making a nuisance ??!!"
*looking around .. trying to trace where the noise come from .. *

CSS2: "dunno .. but its really getting on my nerves lor !! ARGH !!"
*looking around .. trying her best to trace the noise too .. *

CSS1 spotted a fat & disgusting piece of PORK CHOP skipping just right below the tree that they are sitting on ... unable to control herself .. a large amount of Chakra came rushing out of her mouth ..

CSS1: " !#$%$%**%!$^&@#%#!!*&^%$*$^&^&*&^$%"
*cursing & swearing like never before .. *

CSS1: " Wow .. it has been a long time since i got so pissed off with someone .. erm .. i mean something .. erm .. sigh .. i dunno wat term can i use to describe this piece of irritating piece of fat flabby meat ... !!"
*attempt to cover her ears*

CSS2: " Do your stuff !! just get this piece of freaking pukey-looking piece of meat out of my sight !!"
*fully covered her ears from this irritating noise*

CSS1: " MY PLEASURE !!! "
*evil laughter fills the air .. *

CSS1 suddenly stop ..

CSS1: "OOps .. cannot .. i cant .. really .. im so FREAKING $#!%^%$&^&$## scared of this piece of fat meat .. i dun wanna dirty my new Prada suit and Gucci shoes ... "
*looking at her nice white Prada suit and white Gucci shoes*

CSS2: "I noe u can do it !! JIA YOU !! i dun wanna dirty my nicely done manicured fingers on this lump of fats .."
*a word of encouragement in Chinese while tilting her head and poking her finger @ her cheeks*

CSS1: "OKIE !! Here i go !! "
*grinning happily*

CSS1 start to form seals ...

CSS1: "OVEN SUMMONING Technique !!"

*POoF .. smoke fills the air around them .. *

A huge OVEN appeared right before them ..

Together with CSS1 & Css2 ... Jumped right in front of the piece of Pork Chop and stopped its way ..

Pork Chop : " huh ?? who are you guys ?? "
*desperately trying to act helpless & innocent .. *

CSS2: " Cut your act !! its so freaking fake .. hmm .. i think i noe who you are now !! "
*ponders for a while*

CSS1 & CSS2 :" You MUST be the infamous SCHEMING & CUNNING piece of FAT meat that BAD-MOUTH about others .. THE ONE who is trying to create CHAOS and RUMOURS where ever you go .. and THE ONE who enjoys seducing SUB-STANDARD guys RITE ??!! "

CSS1 suddenly stopped and luff out loud ..

CSS1: "WHAHAHAHHAHAH ... LOUSY siah .. hmm .. anyway .. its expected .. good standard hunky guys won't wanna lay their eyes on you ..... "
*luffing till her tummy aches .. *

CSS2: " BUAHAHAHAHHA .. " *crossing arms* " this ! i DEFINITELY agree !! "

Pork Chop: "WTF are you 2 talking about ?? that time got 3 guys .. NOT 1 but 3 guys wanna know me, U NOE !!"
*pissed off look*

CSS2: "hmm .. really dun understand why you must always pick on HANDICAPPED guys ? hmm .. eh .. i think you blinded them with your oily & stinky fats rite ?!"

Upon hearing what CSS2 say .. Pork Chop start to smell itself and look at itself ...

Pork Chop: "Jer Jer and other guys like me wor .. they like my C-Cupped Breasts !!"

CSS1: "I need to capture this SOW for the sake of all guys .. They are NOT supposed to suffer like tat !!"

CSS2: "it seems like this chunk of fats dun understand what im trying to say .. sigh .. Pigbo (Pigbo - A word to describe really dumb sows who got big breasts)

CSS1 start to form seals ... forming Chakra ..

CSS1: " ROAST-THE-SOW Technique !!"
*commanding the OVEN*

Pork Chop: " How dare u try to roast me !! IM the prettiest .. most attractive .. and most innocent chunk of fat meat around !! there is no way you can capture me with that small little oven of yours .. !! "

Pork Chop tried its best to Siam here & there .. but due to its fats & its size .. its rather hard ..

Pork Chop attempts to use its ' I WANNA GAIN SUPPORT TO OUTCAST MY EX-BF Look ..' but it fails as the smart and intelligent CSS2 managed to help the OVEN dodged the attack and Pork Chop tried to use its ' EVERY SUB-STANDARD GUY LIKES ME Technique ' but it fails again .. (the OVEN is NOT a GUY !! and DEFINITELY not SUB-STANDARD !!) ...

CSS1: " it seems like you are running out of ideas & tricks .. "

Before CSS1 can finish her sentence .. Pork Chop use its ' I LIKE TO WEAR SMALL-BUTTONED SHIRTS TO SHOW OFF MY C-CUPPED BREASTS Technique' ... this attack have a bit of a effect on the OVEN .. coz the OVEN starts to puke ..

CSS1: " CSS2 .. Quick !! Turn the OVEN's temperature to the highest !! i wanna roast this SOW alive !!"

CSS2: " Okey Dokey ! "
*Leap onto the Oven*

And at the poke of CSS2's pretty and nicely manicured finger .. the OVEN is BOILING HOT now ..

PoOOf ..

CSS1 & CSS2 (with the help of Green-Tea-Scented smoke bomb) .. leap onto one of the branches for safety ..

CSS2: " This chunk of fats is dead FATS now .. "
*giggling .. *

CSS1: " YeP !! i agree !!"
*forming seals at the same time .. *

CSS1: " ROAST TILL CHARCOAL BLACK Technique !! "

The OVEN caught up with the chunk of fats and the whinning piece of Pork Chop was captured .. temperature rose and whinning fats is whinning ..

Pork Chop: " My Jer Jer will get you for this !! My Jer Jer will give my C-Cupped Breast 'face' & get you for this ... aRgh .. *Choke* .. aRgh !! .. "

Time Flies ........ *sNOrez*

CSS1 & CSS2 waited for 1 hour ..

CSS2: " Still not cooked ah ? wah .. its fats are REALLY THICK lor .. sigh .. "

CSS1: " Yah .. dun even noe how long my poor OVEN can contain its fats .. hope that my OVEN will die of high blood pressure after consuming so much stinky fats "
*glancing at her Rolex watch*

"Tink !!"

CSS2: "Its DONE !! "

but to their horror .. the freaking sickening bitchy piece of fats turned into ..

An EVEN MORE OILY & SHORTER CHAR SIEW PORK !!!

CSS1: "WTF !! it EVOLVED !!!"
*hands on her head grabbing her hair*

Char Siew: "Oink .. Oink .. Oink Oink Oink .. !! "
(Translation: Im still as attractive as before .. all the guys still like me wor .. !!!)

CSS2: "wah .. now even more 'jia lat' .. its mouth is so stinky and full of fats that we practically got to try to figure out what it is saying lor .. "
*scratching her nicely-done hair*

CSS1: "Hee Hee .. maybe next time i will summon some other things liao .. NEVER AN OVEN again ... " *guilty look .. *

To Be Continued ......

The first appearance of The Fat Char Siew

2005-03-11T13:54:00.000+08:00

One fine day, Char Siew Slayer 1 (aka CSS1) and Char Siew Slayer 2 (aka CSS2) were enjoying their fantastic afternoon break, when a disgusting, obnoxious, oily, fatty and whiny piece of FAT CHAR SIEW came knocking on their door.

CSS1: "Hey who's that?!!?"
CSS2 looks up in the midst of drawing circles: "Duno.. U go take a look.."

CSS1 walks up to the door and looks through the peephole.. ..

*horror music starts playing in the background*

"EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

CSS1: "Nah beh!!! There's a thing that is totally covering my entire view and it is oozing with oil!!! $%^&^**$^#$%!!!! Dirty my floor siah!!!!"

CSS1 opens the door immediately, wanting to whack the thing that is standing outside.

The FAT CHAR SIEW, on seeing that the door is opened, starts to jump around in glee, splashing its oil all over...

FAT CHAR SIEW starts whining: "Oink oink~!!!! oink oink oink oink.. oink OINK!!!"

CSS1: "WTF!!! Its the FAT CHAR SIEW loh!!! Jump ur head lah, jump!!! KNN, ur stupid char siew oil is all over the place loh!!! Stop it lah!!! And stop your stupid whinings loh!!!"

CSS1 starts doing seals aiming at the disgusting piece of FAT CHAR SIEW.

The FAT CHAR SIEW on seeing that CSS1 is trying to whack her, starts to escape by rolling away.

(*pause* As its name suggests, FAT CHAR SIEW is horrendously FAT. By Mathematics calculation, its char siew body has a great circumference and therefore, it is able to cover a fairly great distance with just 1 roll.)

CSS1: "Idiot!!! Still trying to escape??? U STUPID FAT CHAR SIEW!!!"
CSS1: "Shadow Replication Technique~~~!!!"

Then tons of CSS1s appear and jumps onto the FAT CHAR SIEW, tearing pieces of char siew meat away.

However, CSS1 overlooked the fact that one of FAT CHAR SIEW's weapon is its oil.
(*pause* Oil from the FAT CHAR SIEW is formed from the extremely thick layer of fats within its body as well as the numerous coating of oil during the process of barbecuing. Therefore the amount of oil produced by the FAT CHAR SIEW is .. .. unimaginably huge~!!!)

CSS1 screams: "You ^&$%^#$%#$%%^&!!! You not only dirtied my floor, but also my CSS1s' clothes!!! They are all branded loh!!! You FREAKING MONSTER!!!"

CSS2 appears from behind, wearing a poncho.

CSS2: "You evil FAT CHAR SIEW spirit!!! %^&amp;+#&*&*^#$%$%^$%^&*!!!!"

*CSS2 crosses arms* "BWAHAHAHAHAHA~"

*Then CSS2 digs nose and flicks a big piece of explosive pee sai at the FAT CHAR SIEW*

The FAT CHAR SIEW screams in pain as the pee sai explodes.

Immediately, the FAT CHAR SIEW uses its remaining strength to escape by rolling itself away from the 2 highly skilled Char Siew Slayers.

Then the FAT CHAR SIEW stops at a safe distance and starts mumbling: "OINK OINK OINK!!! Oink oink oink oink!!!!
(Translation: "YOU REMEMBER THIS!!! I will be back!!!!")

The FAT CHAR SIEW continues mumbling: "Oink oink oink, oink oink oink oink oink!!! Oink oink oink oink oink oink oink oink!! Oink oink oink oink oink oink!!! Hahahaha"
(Translation: "You stinky bitches, I've got C cups!!! My JerJer said I am the MOST attractive!! You two can't beat me loh!!! Hahahaha")

*CSS1 and CSS2 pukes in unison*

The FAT CHAR SIEW starts acting cute and sticks out tongue.

*CSS1 and CSS2 pukes again*

Then the FAT CHAR SIEW continues rolling, pretending to sob and shed tears, wanting to act as the innocent party when it sees JerJer later.

Sigh, looks like the FAT CHAR SIEW is here to stay... ...